Emotionally Separated

Lately, I feel very out of touch. I work a lot and it is fairly rewarding. I usually get home and am very tired. Recently, it has been getting harder and harder for me to want/like being around people. Part of it is my controlling nature of wanting things to go the way that I want them to go, part of it is not at all having the same “emotional depth” as everyone else.

Let me explain; first, the controlling part. Up until about a year ago, when I wanted to do something and if people wanted to go with me, they would just go along with whatever I wanted to do, how I wanted to do it. Lately everyone wants a say and they all want to do everything completely different. A prime example was tonight, Kohl, Beth and I were talking about going camping. I wanted to have a nice camping trip with all my friends and have it be drug/alcohol free. Apparently this is not acceptable. There has to be beer. I’m the asshole for wanting everyone sober for this.

Second, so many emotional things have been coming up lately. First was the death of Teresa’s grandma. People get old and die, it is a part of life. Why are we always so caught off guard? Why do we have to have a big emotional “I don’t know how to feel about this” situation? I am somehow the only person on this planet that is emotionally detached from death. My grandmother died in front of me when I was 9 and it didn’t bother me that much. It happens. We all have an expiration date, some sooner than others.

At Walmart it seems that everone, everyday has some form of emotional issue that needs to be dealt with. “They are making fun of me”, “I can’t be here right now for 8(insert reason here0*”. My god! Can’t you just have a job and come to work and concentrate on work?!?!

Then comes this week when one of the old CSM’s was murdered by her husband. Yes, it is tragic. Yes, it is sad that they left behind 3 kids. Do we really need to spend all kinds of time on making ribbons and setting up a donation for her and her family? Can’t that be done off the clock (and shouldn’t it?) Apparently not. That and the fact that some people were crying at work and had to leave as well as needing to talk about it every 5 minutes.

ENOUGH! Please note: When I die, please do not make ribbons. Please do not make a fund for my children. Just come to my funeral and spread my ashes wherever I like. Go about your job like any other day and don’t cry AT ALL. I’m not worth crying over for one and for another there are more important things to spend emotional energy on. I seriously want to move to the wilderness and live alone after shit like this. I just don’t get people and I don’t think that they get me either. I don’t really care either. People like me keep things interesting I guess.