Well, the last few days have been interesting.

On the 3rd, I was feeling down because I haven’t been talking to Chris much the last couple of days, and I was being overly paranoid and crazy about it. I miss him. I have never felt so much for someone and to have them leave was very sad. I really don’t know how to deal with it, so my pirates have been fighting a lot lately. Maybe I need to see a counselor?

Anyway, I texted Chris that I wanted to hear from him more and that I felt like he wasn’t putting in the effort, which he took as me not believing that he truely cared. I know he does, I am just going through this emotional episode that I have never experienced before. So, we had our first fight where he hurt me pretty bad. I got off the phone with him and felt like SHIT! So, I was still going to go with Beth to Players (the La Crosse gay bar that I like downtown) and have a drink and play some pool.

So we go, and the pool table is in use and so we get a drink, then two, then three. Finally the pool table opens up and we play a couple of games. I get drunker because I am a super depression about the Chris thing and I totally pour my heart out to poor Beth who is listening to me in a drunken ramble about how important to me Chris is, and how I would die to not have him, etc. Well, she sobers up, we wander around downtown at my insistence and then she drives us home.

We get back to my house and I make an egg sandwich and then go pass out in my room. I wake up a couple of hours later and throw it all up. It wasn’t pretty. Then I go back to sleep. I wake up to my mom saying, you know it is 9 right? Well I had to work at 9! I call Moe who is the opening CSS to tell her that I will be in at 9:30. I get up and get ready and I still feel a little drunk.

I get to work on time (9:30) and then Moe lets me stay at the desk while she does most of the CSS stuff because I am not feeling 100%. Well, for the first 1/2 an hour, all goes well and I am feeling better. As soon as Moe goes on break I start to feel nauseous. I get a plan ready that I am going to grab the small trash can and go into Lisa’s office if I need to puke. Well, then Jamie from Payless comes up to get some shoes and her gum smell hits me and I make for Lisa’s office with the trash can, and I throw up. It was mostly water, but from then on, the day got better.

The 4th was fun, we went to Riverfest and I had some good food and watched Beth and Matt drink, then watched the fireworks. All in all pretty good. In addition to that, I have been working a lot lately in the morning! I never work the mornings! The only good part was being able to work them with Karlie who is my favorite service desk person. She always knows what is going on and what she is supposed to do, and we can have fun at the same time. I think that we “get” each other.

Now, for today and the next few days, I may get called into ShopKo to work, but officially, I am off until Friday. I hope to get up and do some Sonic.net work in those days, but I really am sorta looking forward to taking calls again and getting a “hard phone” so that will be easier. We will see.

I just can’t wait for Chris to get back so I can prove to myself that things haven’t changed and we are still in love just as much as before and I have been way to paranoid about it all!