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Relationship
Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Post
May 22nd
So my last post about things almost went in the completely wrong direction when Chris read it. Just in case it came off that way to others, let me clear it up.
I learned (finally) that I will never (and should never) find a relationship like I had with Danniel. It failed for a reason; it wasn’t right. What I am having with Chris is completely different and so far it is great! He isn’t replacing anyone and I’m not trying to make it into that at all. We are happy together in a completely new and different relationship that is not like anything else.
We are very happy right now and plan to be for the foreseeable future.
On to a new topic; Indiana Jones! So, Chris, Beth and I are going to see this today and I am super excited! I know that I will not be the only one at the theatre this time as Beth is coming with me as is Chris. Plus neither of them would stand me up 
.
Oh, that reminds me – Nicole, Jared’s old best friend started working at Shopko again yesterday and it was a little awkward at first UNTIL Jared came in to do a return and I had to help him at the desk and he mumbled to his mom on the way out that “everyone here hates me”. So it is true; they aren’t friends anymore.
So I approached Nicole and found out the story. Apparently he fucked a couple of other guys over like he did to me! THEN – he fucked Nicole, his most loyal and best friend, over too! What an ass. Oh, and get this – the reason that she didn’t like me other than everything that happened to Kohl? Jared claimed that I practically RAPED him! WTF? Ok, if that was the case, then why did you come back again and THEN start dating me? Asshole.
I learned a lot of lessons here so far and I think it has finally lead me to where I need to be and who I need to be with (everyone, not just Chris).
Right in front of me!
May 21st
From “Jack’s Obsession”:
Or perhaps it’s not as deep
As I’ve been led to think
Am I trying much too hard?
Of course! I’ve been too close to see
The answer’s right in front of me
Right in front of me
That may totally be the case! Since I got here to Onalaksa, Wisconsin, I have been all over the place. I was with Kohl when he moved here. Then I thought Jared was the one. Then could it be Steve? All over trying out people, places, situations. Nothing was working out at all. I turned Kohl into an angry person (and who could blame him, really?), I got mind fucked by a 19 year old who I though LOVED me, I learned that sometimes trusting in the good of others isn’t always the right choice. All this time, Chris was there, at Fazoli’s, not knowing me and my thinking about him only when I saw him at work.
Sure, there were a few times where I really wanted to talk to him, but it never really worked out. Maybe the timing wasn’t right? Maybe I had to learn some more lessons? There could have been a thousand reasons. Judgment from people (he was obviously younger than me), fear of rejection (and never being able to show my face in Fazoli’s again) and other things kept me from ever just asking the guy to hang out.
So, one night I had some crazy idea that I WAS GOING TO FIND HIM online and send him an invite to Beth’s and my party on May 30th. I am so glad that I did. Whitney had told him some stories of the parties that I had before and how he should know how to say “no” as I have done shit like had a “cock off” in the bathroom at a party and also asked to see Whitney’s boyfriends penis to tell him if he was cut or not (he didn’t know). Chris was a little scared. Who wouldn’t be?
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Days like this….
May 17th
Man, oh man, what a last couple of days! I am so happy to have the next 2 days off. Yesterday, Tim from Shopko called me at 7:15 AM to have me come in because Lisa called out. I didn’t answer because it is 7:15 in the fucking morning. He leaves a message and I listen to it and try and go back to bed, but can’t. I have a headache and I am not able to get back to sleep. So I get up, go online and putz around all morning. Tim then calls again at like 10:30AM on the house line trying to get ahold of my mom to wake me up and come in. I answer and tell him no, I have to go and see Narnia at like 12:30 with friends.
Well, now that I am awake with little sleep (because I spent the previous night having glorious conversation with Chris until 2:30AM), I need to start getting ready to go and see Narnia at 12:20ish. So I get showered and dressed and head out about 12:15, a little late because I could not find my keys. I get lost on the way to the theatre (yeah, I know, I suck!), and am 10 minutes late (12:40 instead of 12:30 and I don’t see Dan or Mindy.
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I’m Alive!
Apr 20th
Ok, I am sorry for taking such a long time to update this site. I have just been too damn busy lately to really do much of anything. I have been working a lot, hanging out with friends and just running errands as well as trying to catch up on some sleep to really do anything else!
As you can tell, I didn’t die working the longest weekend ever. It was actually quite fun. Lately at work, I have been going between two stores; Onalaska (my store) and North (the other store). Northside Shopko has been going through a lot of changes recently and a bunch of people have left so they needed some more people to help out when they were looking for replacements. So I have been going over there to be their service desk and CSS 1-3 days a week. The last couple of weeks it has only been 2 days at my store and the rest at North.
Jay was right though; when you go to another store and come back to your own store, you appreciate it all the more!
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I guess I died first
Feb 11th
Well, I was dead to him first. That sucks. Why would you say one thing and then do something completely different? It is over now and I have decided to remove him and Nicole (who actually told me it was over) from my Facebook friends. I can’t torture myself by reading his or her updates. I need to move on.
In other news, I get official training tonight on becoming a CSS (Customer Service Specialist or Supervisor). It is with Lisa and I think that she is a good trainer. We will see how that goes.
On Saturday night, Beth, Jay and I went to Players and had a great time. We called and invited Tim and he showed up as well. I am glad that we all hung out and kept it a small group of people. We were able to bond a lot easier. I truly value some of the new friends I have made here and don’t know what I would do without them.
That is all for now. I have to turn in my timecard for Sonic.net and finish watching Transformers.
Questions about life with ‘Someone’
Feb 8th
What is someone supposed to do? Lets say that you really like someone, but they are busy and live far away. You decide to give up your current relationship (which was going to end anyway) and go out with this new person. Life is great for a while. You fall hard (way harder than anyone should) and then probably scare them off. They are also way too busy in their life to devote the proper amount of time to you (?). So you take a break. Then what?
You want to hear from them more than anything in the world, but don’t want to make that first step and annoy them. Should you get over it and break the silence or wait for them? If you should wait, for how long before moving on? These are hard questions. I swore that if I ever found someone that made me feel like Danniel again, I would never let them go. He knows that too. What to do?
I have been thinking about relationships in general recently and am trying to figure out what I bring to the table. I asked Kohl, because why the hell not? His thoughts:
- I am a fun person
- I am a caring person
- I am a dork and he thinks that is hot
Here is what people have told me in the past (mostly friends, so take with a grain of salt I would assume):
- I am loyal
- I will do almost anything for you even if it screws me
- I am romantic
- I am intense
- I am smart
- I am funny
I am sure that there are other things that describe me in a relationship, but that is all I can think about right now. I love too easily, and am very intense. Maybe that scares some people. I just wish someone like me would come along for me. Someone who is open, who will tell me how they feel. Someone who would do almost anything for me. Someone to spend time with. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to share experiences with. Someone who I can go to when I need a shoulder to cry on. Someone smart who I can have great conversations with. Someone who will teach me a thing or two. Someone.
A week ago, someone had a name. Now, I don’t know anymore and I want to. I hate not knowing things.
Yeah, about that…..
Jan 27th
I should listen to these lyrics, but I never do:
We ordered up one more bottle of wine
You told me your story I thought about mine
You said when you lost her you lost everything
It all started having a familiar ring
So I asked you to take me some place quiet
We wound up at the river for the rest of the night
Somewhere around the break of day
I could hear it coming from a mile away
So don’t say that word
Not the one we both heard too much
You may think you do but you don’t
It’s just the fear of being alone
Reckless hearts can clear a path
Wider than a hurricane’s aftermath
We’ve both traveled down that road
Where in the name of love anything goes
So don’t say that word
Not the one we both heard too much
You may think you do but you don’t
It’s just the fear of being alone
Like a child in the night
With no one to hold you
And tell you everything’s gonna be all right
I must admit it’s been fun
But that’s no reason to jump the gun
If this is real time will tell
So let me bite my tongue and remind myself
So don’t say that word
Not the one we both heard too much
You may think you do but you don’t
It’s just the fear of being alone
The Longest Day
Jan 26th
Well, today is going to be a really long day! I looked forward to yesterday because I got to go to the cities and visit Jared! I haven’t seen him in over a week and I was really happy to see him.
It all started the night before. I knew that sleep wise, the next couple of days were going to be difficult. I got to sleep at around 11:30 (really early for me). At about 1:30 I got a call from Kohl saying that he was really drunk and his friend got on the phone and said that they were going to be driving him home soon because he had thrown up all over himself and the car. I thought that was fine and went back to bed. at 1:50, I get ANOTHER call from his friend saying that Kohl would not let them drive him home and I needed to come and get him.
I got up, got in my cold car in my PJs and drove down 90 towards the northside ShopKo which is around where his friend lived. I missed the damn exit on the freeway because I couldn’t see very well and was going too fast and would have crashed if I took the off-ramp at the speed I was going. I had to wait until the next exit (on French Island) to turn around and get off the correct exit. I eventually got to his friends house and had to go in and get Kohl off the bathroom floor. It was not pretty.
I eventually got him in the car and we started driving home. I had to stop a block down the street from his friends house so Kohl could vomit out the door into the street. We drove another block and he threw up again! Then he started cussing at me and I was not happy about it. I almost kicked him out of the car and made him walk home. We eventually made it home and Kohl needed a bath. Long story short, he got in the bathtub, threw up more, cried and eventually made it into bed and went to sleep after trying to cuddle with me and being denied. This brings the time to about 3AM.
