I am loved.
I am happy.
I am also still buzzed and have to go to word.
Damn.
Monthly Archive for February, 2005
For those of you who don’t know about my pirates, the story starts in Las Vegas two years ago. Beth and I decided that when there was inner termoil (or emotional distress), we would refer to it as my pirates are fighting in similarity to the Treasure Island Pirate Battle. Which while writing this I have discovered that the show no longer exists in the form that it once was in. Poo.
Back to my post… My pirates have been raging a battle against a new, unknown entity. In the last month, I have had the strangest emotions. It is like there is another person that was born inside me that I don’t know. Who is this new being within me? Apparently it is TRUE love as far as I can see it. This is a dangerous place to be. At any moment it can turn on my defenceless heart and kill me. That is what is scary. My mind is trying to put up its defences, but this new being is using its power to overthrow the defenses. I have not concluded whether these defences are actually needed or not, but I have a feeling that when I do find out, it will be too late. It is very much like a trojan horse of love. It is a great gift, but when are the men going to come out and slaughter my city? I have never been so scared and not in control of anything im my life. I don;t know what to do.
Part of me wants to run, but a more powerful part of me is too curious and wants to chance the pain to see where it goes. If only there was a way to see how it would all end, I would feel a lot better. Will it end with my death at an old age, in my sleep next to him, or will it end alone and forgotten on a cold slab of concrete, like those beggars in San Francisco. I am so scared there are really no words to describe it. I can only hope that with time, it will work itself out, and let my mind be at rest.
Although my mind is at rest when he is with me, we haven’t had much of that time to be together recently. All I want is to curl up in his arms and never have to move until I feel better about things. It is just so hard to get that. I have always been very independant, and now I need another to continue. If that other were to leave, I think only 1/2, if not less would be left of my former self. I just don’t know, and again I am scared.
BTW: I post lyrics, because they explain my feelings like Kohl’s poetry to me, but I am not poetic, so I span the universe to find the perfect words through song…
Lyrics (Partial):
So she said what’s the problem baby
What’s the problem I don’t know
Well maybe I’m in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can’t stop thinking ’bout it
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can’t ignore it if it’s love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don’t know nothing ’bout love
More(From Phantom of the Opera, I changed the parts to match me):
KOHL:
No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears.
I’m here, nothing can harm you – my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,let daylight dry -your tears.
I’m here, with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you . . .
TAGE
Say you love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summertime . . .
Say you need me with you, now and always . . .
promise me that all you say is true – that’s all I ask of you . . .
KOHL
Let me be your shelter, let me be your light. You’re safe: No-one will find you your fears are far behind you . . .
TAGE
All I want is freedom, a world with no more night . . .
and you always beside me to hold me and to hide me . . .
KOHL
Then say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .
Iet me lead you from your solitude . . .
Say you need me with you here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go, let me go too – Tage, that’s all I ask of you . . .
TAGE
Say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .
say the word and I will follow you . . .
BOTH
Share each day with me, each night, each morning . . .
TAGE
Say you love me . . .
KOHL
You know I do . . .
BOTH
Love me – that’s all I ask of you . . .
(They kiss)
Anywhere you go let me go too . . .
Love me – that’s all I ask of you . .
More (Kylie Minogue):
I just can’t get you out of my head
Boy your loving is all I think about
I just can’t get you out of my head
Boy it’s more than I dare to think about
Every night
Every day
Just to be there in your arms
Won’t you stay
Won’t you lay
Stay forever and ever and ever and ever
I just can’t get you out of my head
Boy your loving is all I think about
I just can’t get you out of my head
Boy it’s more than I dare to think about
There’s a dark secret in me
Don’t leave me locked in your heart
Set me free
Feel the need in me
Set me free
Stay forever and ever and ever and ever
I just can’t get you out of my head
EVEN MORE:
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
You’d be like heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived.
And I thank God I’m alive.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
Pardon the way that I stare.
There’s nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel.
Please let me know that it’s real.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
I love you baby, and if it’s quite all right,
I need you baby to warm the lonely night.
I love you baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray.
Oh pretty baby, now that I found you. Stay.
And let me love you, baby. Let me love you …
I love you baby, and if it’s quite allright,
I need you baby to warm the lonely night.
I love you baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray.
Oh pretty baby, now that I found you. Stay.
MORE (Moulin Rouge):
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I’ve never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there’s no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time
DAMN, WILL IT EVER END?:
For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I’ve needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
Somehow I know I’ll be strong
For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Oooh Someone warm like you
Would make my dream come true
Yeah yeah yeah
For once in my life I won’t let sorrow hurt me
Not like it hurt me before
For once, I have something I know won’t desert me
I’m not alone anymore
For once, I can say, this is mine, you can’t take it
As long as I know I have love, I can make it
For once in my life, I have someone who needs me
HE He He Hey yeah
ooh baby ooh baby
For once in my life I won’t let sorrow hurt me
Not like it hurt me before
For once, I have something I know won’t desert me
I’m not alone anymore
For once, I can say, this is mine, you can’t take it
Long as I know I have love, I can make it
For once in my life, I have someone who needs me
For once in my life
Yeah Somebody like my
Ooh baby
That is good enough for now….
congratulations. you are the “you smell like
butt” bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
A parent’s primer to computer slang
Understand how your kids communicate online to help protect them
Published: February 4, 2005
While it’s important to respect your children’s privacy, understanding what your teenager’s online slang means and how to decipher it is important as you help guide their online experience. While it has many nicknames, information-age slang is commonly referred to as leetspeek, or leet for short. Leet (a vernacular form of “elite”) is a specific type of computer slang where a user replaces regular letters with other keyboard characters to form words phonetically—creating the digital equivalent of pig Latin with a twist of hieroglyphics.
Leet words can be expressed in hundreds of ways using different substitutions and combinations, but once one understands that nearly all characters are formed as phonemes and symbols, leetspeek isn’t difficult to translate.
Key points for learning leetspeek
Numbers are often used as letters. The term “leet” could be written as “1337,” with “1″ replacing the letter L, “3″ posing as a backwards letter E, and “7″ resembling the letter T. Others include “8″ replacing the letter B, “9″ used as a G, “0″ (zero) in lieu of O, and so on.
Non-alphabet characters can be used to replace the letters they resemble. For example, “5″ or even “$” can replace the letter S. Applying this style, the word “leetspeek” can be written as “133t5p33k” or even “!337$p34k,” with “4″ replacing the letter A.
Letters can be substituted for other letters that may sound alike. Using “Z” for a final letter S, and “X” for words ending in the letters C or K is common. For example, leetspeekers might refer to their computer “5×1llz” (skills).
Rules of grammar are rarely obeyed. Some leetspeekers will capitalize every letter except for vowels (LiKe THiS) and otherwise reject conventional English style and grammar, or drop vowels from words (such as converting very to “vry”).
Mistakes are often left uncorrected. Common typing misspellings (typos) such as “teh” instead of the are left uncorrected and may be adopted to replace the correct spelling altogether.
Non-alphanumeric characters may be combined to form letters. For example, using slashes to create “/\/\” can substitute for the letter M, and two pipes combined with a hyphen to form “|-|” is often used in place of the letter H. Thus, the word ham could be written as “|-|4/\/\.”
The suffix “0rz” is often appended to words for emphasis or to make them plural. For example, “h4xx0rz,” “sk1llz0rz,” and “pwnz0rz,” are plural or emphasized versions (or both) of hacks, skills, and owns.
It’s important to remember that the leetspeek community encourages new forms and awards individual creativity, resulting in a dynamic written language that eludes conformity or consistency. However, there are a few standard terms. The following is a sample of key words that haven’t changed fundamentally (although variations occur) since the invention of leetspeek. The first series is of particular concern, as their use could be an indicator that your teenager is involved in the theft of intellectual property, particularly licensed software.
Leet words of concern or indicating possible illegal activity:
“warez” or “w4r3z”: Illegally copied software available for download.
“h4x”: Read as “hacks,” or what a computer hacker does.
“pr0n”: An anagram of “porn,” possibly indicating the use of pornography.
“sploitz” (short for exploits): Vulnerabilities in computer software used by hackers.
“pwn”: A typo-deliberate version of own, a slang term used to express superiority over others that can be used maliciously, depending on the situation. This could also be spelled “0\/\/n3d” or “pwn3d,” among other variations. Online video game bullies or “griefers” often use this term.
Other common leet words:
“kewl”: A common derivation of “cool.”
“m4d sk1llz” or “mad skills”: Refers to one’s own talent. “m4d” itself is often used for emphasis.
“n00b,” “noob,” “newbie,” or “newb”: Combinations synonymous with new user. Some leetspeekers view “n00b” as an insult and “newbie” as an affectionate term for new users.
“w00t” or the smiley character \o/: A common interjection, analogous to “woohoo!” or victory in a game.
“roxx0rs” Used in place of “rocks,” typically to describe something impressive.
“d00d”: Replaces the greeting or addressing someone as a “dude.”
“joo” and “u”: Used instead of “you.” This is also commonly written as “j00″ or “_|00.”
“ph”: often replaces “f,” as in “phear” for “fear” (as in “ph34r my l33t skillz”) and vice versa, such as spelling “phonetic” as “f0|\|371(.”