Archive for June, 2003

I know that I haven’t written on Live Journal for a while. I need to start doing it more, but have had no time, or no push to do so. It just takes so much effort to sit here and type what I did, or my thoughts. It is interesting to read what other people think all the time.

Joseph – I don’t know why you think that everyone hates you, or is displeased with you at work, or other places. It is okay. Chill out a little. Also, I don’t know why you hate me so much. WHat have I done to you? I seriously don’t know, but would like to.

In this last month I have come clean about a lot of stuff to the people that matter. Jess got in to his theatre thing (pronounced “seesa” but it is an acronym that I don’t remember). I am happy for him, and was going to visit him, but he doesn’t want me to visit. Last week we almost broke up, and I was a mess for my day off. That sucked the most ever. I had been working for six straight days in a row, and was really looking forward to getting a day off, but then I was an emotional wreck. I was really hurt. I love Jess a lot. I wish that this incident wouldn’t have happened, but it did. I am glad that he talked to me about it, and not just pretended that everything was okay, like previous folks.

Also, rumor has it that Zack has been drinking, and experimenting with substances, which really disappoints me. I know that he only does this stuff to get closer to Maya. I really liked Maya before Jessica Finn. Now she is a completely different person, and I don’t like the new Maya. Another thing that I admitted to myself is that I really HATE alcohol. I don’t understand it, and I wish that it would all just disappear one day, and everyone would forget about that fact that it ever existed. I want to find more people that don’t want to drink or smoke, or anything. I feel so alone in my opinions on this matter, and it sucks!! I want to feel like part of a group again, in my opinions and likes/dislikes. I love Jess, but he is right, we really don’t have that much in common. I want to be out in the world again, and not have to hear about drugs, or stories about drugs or alcohol. UGH!!! It makes me so mad. I don’t know why. I need some friends that are like me, the REAL me. I want to be known as the REAL Tage, and not the dumb Tage that just gets along with everyones views.

Well, that should be long enough of an update for a while. I want to finish cleaning my fish tank and my room up. I really just wnat to go to work, and drown myself in it, and forget that I am alive for a while. I like that feeling. Too busy to know that I am alive.