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Hello? Where am I?
Lately, I have been feeling more and more lost. This came to a head Wednesday night when I went over to Jess’ house. I was talking to him about friends and what he thought about his friends. He explained that he can see this light in each of his friends and the inner beauty and richness of their soul kind of stuff. I realized listening to him, that I have never looked at any of my friends this way. Last night I was talking to James and John about it, and James said that the reason that Jess could look at his friends like that, is that is how he sees himself, so he can see that in others. Apparently, I am judgmental to other, hence I am judgmental to myself. How you treat others, is how you treat yourself. Maybe he is right. That doesn’t make me feel any better though. I don’t know what to do about it. I want to have friends. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I am happy being with just myself, my family, Jess and work. I know that that doesn’t seem very healthy, but it will have to work for right now. I am tired of friends. All they ever do for me is let me down, and give me stress. I think friends should just be there to have fun with, and equally do stuff for each other. I dunno. Apparently, I am just a big retard.
| Print article | This entry was posted by Tage on May 23, 2003 at 8:09 PM, and is filed under Random. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site. |
about 7 years ago
i think that you need to figure out what you want right now.
and you are a big retard!!!!!
about 7 years ago
THankyou for being supportive, and yes, i am a retard. Maybe I should start riding the bus all the time, and become a bus tard!!
about 7 years ago
dude yer not the big retard. i am. im the one making somthing that should be fun into a big drama. i feel really bad for the extra stress. i hope i never let ya down. i just love having fun with you. non stress stuff..like disneyland. this is hella stressing me out too cuz ya say one thing and act another. thats why i think if we are just buddies sorta that would be better. i will just hella back off. i wont ask to hang out the most ever or call all the time. have yer family time and yer jess time. you dont need to spend any time with me if ya dont feel like it. i wont pout. we where close though. we have very cool buddy chemestry. why loose all that?? dont avoid me or ignore me. like last saturday i was upstairs acting all gooby with you and it was cool. you and i. just cuz ya cant deal with being there for me doesnt mean ya cant be cool. ya know??? im gald you posted. please think about this. a friendless life is sad. im sick of stress and drama too between us and i think we can be friends and not have that. i honestly do. see ya at work!
about 7 years ago
Tage, I have some advice for you, if you don’t mind me popping in.
Now, I have several sets of friends. My best friend, our mutual friends still in college (aka the Tokay crew), Kevin and Jen, Kelly, Leslie, and all my friends in Pulse. So…I sort of stretch my emotional friendships over several areas that sometimes overlap. What I have experienced is only gaining wisdom and strength from seeing the variety, intelligence, humor, and courage that not only my friends display, but in all of those things that they give to me. That is what friendship is to me, Tage. It’s learning to love your friends for what they are, as simple as that. Friends can go with the flow and care about you despite where you are on your emotional map.
This may all sound trite and Hallmarky to you, but…it takes a certain step in opening up to people and leaving yourself in the arena of trusting them…leaving this space open to them, expecting nothing and not trying to. I can say this: To me, friendship is something that lasts, despite years and situations and geography. It is something more than just a passing fun time…true friends are not someone you party with just once or twice, they are people you care about. Sometimes friendships may not work out, but, I find the more friends I have, the more likely I am to have a healthier view on my own life, and life in general. Variety is a big key to that…but then I tend to concentrate on my friend’s positive traits.
These are just my own thoughts, and I guess I’ll just end them by saying I try nothing to gain in friendships other than getting to know someone for the pure joy of it. I find that to be rewarding. It opens this door where you can look at yourself and find answers to things you may never have thought about. When we look outside the box of our own lives, our own thoughts, it not only makes things less lonely, it…also makes us a lot better off, more capable of handling the world, I think.
I hope this helps…in some way.
Joe